A Newbie

BY JOAN THARP

Tiffany, 7, of San Jose is one of five children being raised by her single mother. Photos by L.A. Cicero

SUMMER 2005 -- Thuy Nguyen remembers what it's like to be 7 years old and lost in the shuffle. The 26-year-old San Jose resident was raised by her aunt and uncle, along with her five cousins, after her mother died and her father moved out of the country. "I felt like an outsider," Thuy recalls. "I never had anyone to go to, to talk to about girl stuff."

Thuy now is a new Big Sister to 7-year-old Tiffany, of San Jose, the youngest and only girl among five children being raised alone by their mother. Thuy knows how important it is to give undivided attention and fun opportunities to a little girl struggling to be seen and heard in the world.

Thuy wanted to be a Big Sister for a while, but between working 10-hour days and going to school at night, she had no free time. Last summer, her work schedule lightened and she headed over to Big Brothers Big Sisters of Santa Clara County.

Like most new mentors, Thuy worried about whether she would be good at mentoring. Would she know how to handle issues that came up for Tiffany? Would she be able to set up and maintain boundaries? Thuy says Big Brothers Big Sisters gave her good guidance, and after a few months, her relationship with Tiffany began to gel.

Now, after nearly a year together, Thuy says she can see herself and Tiffany becoming one of the long-term partnerships she reads about in the organization's brochures. "I'm already thinking about how I can help her when she gets ready to date," Thuy says.

Mentor Thuy Nguyen says Tiffany has changed her, too. "She really brings out the kid in me," says Thuy.

Tiffany has changed Thuy's life, too, and has loosened her up. Thuy remembers an outing to The Jungle, a family entertainment center in San Jose. When they got there, Thuy told Tiffany to go ahead and play on her own. Tiffany kept begging Thuy to join her, and finally she did. They ended up having a royal hoot of a time, chasing each other, playing hide and seek, and laughing themselves silly when Thuy got stuck in one of the play structures. "I was surprised at how much fun I had. We still talk about that day and start laughing," Thuy says. "She really brings out the kid in me."